Tuesday, November 26, 2013

How to Pull Wings Off Butterflies to Produce Maximum Pain

First of all, bear in mind that this is a warm weather sport. Butterflies leave the colder climates as Autumn approaches. Here in New England, butterflies leave in October and fly all the way south to the lovely nation of Mexico, where they decorate the trees in huge numbers and do whatever else it is that they do.
 Catching butterflies can have varying degrees of difficulty, depending on the breed. Tiger Swallow-tails are notoriously shy, while Monarchs have been known to land on a person's nose, just for the hell of it.
 When I was a kid, I caught a butterfly, cupped it in my little hands, and then realized I didn't know what to do with him or her, as the case may have been. I put it in a jar, where the poor fool beat its wings against the glass trying to escape. The pretty colors that make the delicate wings look so wonderful are actually a fine, chalky powder. The powder came off the wings and stuck to the glass, and the once beautiful wings became transparent and tattered. The butterfly became an ugly bug that couldn't fly when I released it. It looked like a giant ant in a wet raincoat, and crawled pathetically away to die.
 I guess we are all butterflies in our own way. The key is to get out of the jar soon enough, or, better yet, to avoid the jar entirely. There are those who want to put everyone in jars, just like Captain Hook did to Tinker Belle. I learned at an early age that jars are for peanut butter, not for something lovely and free.
 For those of you that wanted to learn how to hurt butterflies, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Seek counseling.

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